Have you ever considered that you might be “angry” because your tired, in pain, haven’t had lunch yet, haven’t had a glass of water, have said the same thing three times and still you don’t feel heard? Are you registering “anger” in your gut, your shoulders, maybe can’t seem to sit still? When you’re angry, do you lash out at the nearest person? Do you get angry when someone wants you to open up and share your feelings? Do you lack patience? Are your family members or kids afraid to talk to you cause, you know, you might explode?
No one wants to admit they get angry, but we do. The expression anger might be rooted in our needs are not being met, we are really tired or scared or bursting at the seams with fear. It’s not usually when we want to talk or be vulnerable. We might rather do things that push others away … or we might need a safe place to talk “it” out and consider different strategies to get that “need” met.
Consider this: “Anger Management” is more about reflecting on our perception of an event or action, our feelings, our needs, and figuring out ways or strategies to get our needs met in less violent or at such a high price that come with yelling, hitting, throwing things or walking away.
I offer for your consideration the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life 3rd edition. Feeling anger is common. “Anger” is usually an umbrella, a “secondary feeling” or tag, for a cluster of real feelings needing our attention. What or how we manage this cluster is the task of “anger management”. The “problem” might not be you. Learning to stop violence within us or external expression of “anger” takes observation of thoughts, feelings, and needs with out judgement, it takes curiosity to find different strategies, it takes real practice and together with the help of Nonviolent Communication tools we can come up with a game plan tailored exclusively to you.
If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulty in addressing events, persons, circumstances that manifest as “anger” management issues. Contact me today for a free 10 minute consultation.